Checking your bag or Carrion?

I’m sitting behind a white pickup truck on the exit ramp yesterday and in the back window is a decal: “Remembering those we lost” with an outline of the twin towers, 9-11-2001.

My thoughts run on a treadmill digesting what I see: That was over 7 years ago almost a lifetime and yet not so far that our psyches are still bruised by its memory. Hmmm, that sticker looks very new, must have been a recent purchase. I guess someone is still selling these stickers for those that need to pin a huge ‘look at me, I'm hurting’ announcement on their sleeve. Whatever, we all hurt and we all carry the feeling of loss from that day, but not all of us choose to shout it out to complete strangers on the street. But even worse is when I realize some company is making money off of the lives that were lost. Exploitation of the dead is a grand money making venture to them. Is violence nothing more than a marketing strategy to the peddlers? I wonder if the sticker designer thought of this when sketching out his or her product. Did any profit go to the victims or their families? Maybe some organizations exist which do pass on the proceeds, but I assume many do not.

Like hungry vultures the sticker and t-shirt companies eagerly wait for the next tragedy to occur, ready to manipulate emotions and sell their blood wares. Unless authorized by a group that give profits to victims’ families, counseling or medical care to the survivors of any tragedy please do not purchase products tainted with the misfortune of others.

You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Today I must tell my little fuzzy companion good-bye. I must tell her thank you for the love and happiness she brought into our lives. Today I must tell my daughter not to worry that I will hold her while the vet injects the drugs, that Kiki won't be alone. I must tell the clinic to please return her ashes so we may hold her forever. Today I must tell the Grandfathers to watch over her and keep her close. Today I must tell myself this is the kindest thing I can do for her, but for today I won’t believe it.

I thought we were an autonomous collective...

Something’s been bothering me lately and I have to lay it out: What would you say if I asked you, “what is your biggest accomplishment?” If you are a male you’d probably answer something like your job, your touchdown pass in high school, or finishing a mountain climb. These are reasonable answers, but I find almost 8 out of 10 women I ask the answer is “my kids.” I just want to scream. Now these ladies are my mainly my friends so certain personality styles are similar, but really, what the fuck? How can a woman claim birthing a child is her greatest accomplishment? This accomplishment didn’t involve much participation on her part. Other than the sex act the rest is left up to nature. Taking vitamins and remembering to eat is not that difficult. This amazing accomplishment has been shared throughout history with royalty, crack-addicts and dogs. Wow, way to acknowledge yourself there; here’s your blue ribbon.
I love my kid. I’m proud of the person she has become and cannot wait to see what she does with her life, but I have done some amazing things before her, during and will continue to live after she moves out.
Tell you what ‘moms’ why don’t you look at your life and find something you have done and take pride in your achievement. Some hints: graduated college, bought a house, ran a marathon, led a protest, climbed half-dome, or how about acknowledging your own self worth and stop being swallowed up by the idea of motherhood.

Looking Back and Moving Forward

A friend recently posted a blog about what you eventually or should outgrow once you’ve reached your mid-thirties. Items and activities which held such fascination as a teen or twenty-something just look pathetic once you’ve reached 35. I can think of a handful of things that fit this description: participating in Ren-Faire, dressing up and staying all weekend at Sci-Fi Conventions, Rocky Horror Picture Show and going clubbing downtown. All of these reek of youth as they should for they are opportunities to explore and seek out untried experiences without regret; to participate with wild abandonment and act with irresponsibility. Things an adult with a home and children should not do save for Vegas where it is expected.
I think back on my younger years and I did have a wild, untamed life that brought new delights every weekend: parties, clubs, concerts, friends and I hardly cared where I woke up as long as I had fun. That is not to say I would take off with some stranger for a weekend in Mexico, but I would not come home in favor of staying out with friends until 4:00 and crashing on their floor instead. It was a life beyond the fringe and I loved every sometimes painful moment. Nowadays I don’t care to stay out late, hopping from apartment to apartment and bringing a stranger home for empty loving. I want the stability of a home and a wonderful husband, parties with friends involving wine instead of tequila and drunken slobs throwing up in my purse. The laughs are just as loud and the topics just as bawdy and the events I host involve more than leftover pizza and dirty floors. No, there is no way I want to go back to those times, but I do look on them so very fondly from my 40 year old view and wouldn’t change a thing.

I've come to terms with my anger that prop 8 passed, but I'm not happy about it. In fact the idea that supposedly forward thinking/diversity accepting California would let such a back-water belief be put in our constitution is embarrassing. However I feel conflicted on the stance a judge can overturn the voters' decision. Don't get me wrong, I want this overturned and it should be, but what if this was something I believed in? The people were given the right to vote on an issue, made their thoughts known and now it may possibly be overturned. If the voting decision was so wrong why was the proposition put on the ballot? That is what bothers me, there is no oversight on ballot measures. There should be a council which decides to not allow discriminatory measures put out for vote no matter how many signatures are asking for it. Asking for a decision from the people then saying, "uhm, yea, I don't like what you chose. I'm going to change it to what I think is the best." is not the way to have a democracy. If a proposal is wrong from the get go then don't let it on the ballot. Period.

With that being said, I cannot wait for the judges to overturn this idiocy.

As My Mind Turns

Only a month after complaining of not being in the Halloween spirit I find myself fully into the Halloween scene. I blame Stuart. And society. And pumpkins, (dammit I love pumpkins and their warm snuggly orangey color). But mostly I blame Stuart.

For most of Stuart's life he has dreamed of creating a Disney-esque place where children and adults can lose themselves from their everyday world and have some fun. The best time for this fantastical adventure is Halloween as it is already ripe with costumed possibilities and haunted shows. This year his show is aimed at the younger crowd and the town his crew created is perfect for the little ones, but in desperate need of actors. Hence his call to me to please play a witch. Combining my love for dressing up in costumes and my love for Stuart I could not help but heed his pleas with a resounding, "yes, I will help out in your show."

I'm in the 2nd week of the show and it is not always fun coming home from work and immediately going back out to stand in the cold and hand out candy. I am tired after work, but once I've had my nap I have nothing else to occupy my time and there is the rub. So when the question of "why am I doing this? I don't have to go, it is voluntary" comes creeping in on sticky little guilt feet my answer often is, "what else am I going to do?" Trying to explain to Stuart how I cannot possibly commit because my ass has made a permanent indentation on my couch and I would hate to destroy its meger attempt at impressionist art is just lame. I know once I arrive in costume the excitment in the air will energize me and being part of a small child's Halloween memories is very cool too. Plus I love seeing the joy on Stuart's face when the magic all comes together and let's face it no matter what I've said before: I love Halloween.

Keep Your Religion out of My Government!

I am just so angry and fearful proposition 8 will pass this November. It makes me sick and it doesn't even affect me directly. I have tried (really I have), to wrap my head around why anyone would deny people the civil right to marriage. Unfortunately what I've discovered is the reasons are nonsensical and come down to two things: it is against the bible, it is different from me and I fear it. The latter is not said out loud, but it is implied. The first one bothers me for its hypocrisy. The fervent religious believe this to be an abomination because a 2,000 year old book that was not even written by God or anyone who personally spoke to the deity told them so and they choose to ignore the other items also listed as abominations. Most of us have heard that also listed in Leviticus as abomonations are things such as eating shellfish, a man shaving off his beard, and of course the ever popular act of masturbation. So with all these chances to hate large groups of people why don't I see anyone protesting outside of Red Lobster or the local barber shop? However mention 2 people of the same-sex wanting to be happy and you get a whole mess of forked tongue protestors spewing their hate. It might be because clean faced men are familiar, people like the all you can eat shrimp and steak dinners or because the church no longer consider them valid. So it seems the bible can be updated, but apparently only when it pleases the masters who run these Kool-aid cults and as long as it doesn't involve 2 men wanting to marry (the bible does not mention 2 women marrying probably because the bible still considers women to be worthless).

As much as that ticks me off, the thing that angers me even more is the idea that some fucked up religious groups feel they can dictate how our civil laws are written. I thought religion is, by the Constitution, separate from Government. Marriage need not take place in a church or even performed by a priest/minister to be valid. It is a civil union endorsed and recognized by the state and not by God unless you invite him/her to the party. Allowing this proposition to pass means a religious moral code is the foundation of our state’s marriage law and that is only the beginning. People wake up! Let them have this one and what is to stop them from going on down the checklist and changing all of the other rights, privileges, and freedoms you currently enjoy that they don’t agree with? It is a slippery slope and you are on it unless you do something now.