I did not set my alarm last night. Nor the night before or even the night before that. I am not on vacation nor am I sick. I am part of the statistic of the unemployed as of Tuesday. Never having been laid off before I am not sure how to deal with the experience. I awake every day at 5:30, my normal time but now with nowhere to go. Yet I feel not sad or angry. I have a calm acceptance of the situation and understand business is business. The premonitions I experienced in April mentally prepared me to a point, but I'm not sure one can ever be fully prepared to deal with it all. I expected to have my ego hurt or to cry, but I did neither. I was not happy and I also new I would never leave on my own. This was the universe's way of pushing my out to seek something better. It was the only way. Of course that does not make it any easier to accept.
When it happened I felt the wave of panic descend: how would I pay my bills? Where is my resume? What am I going to do? I took a breath. And then another. I thought to my Buddhist training "just breathe." Others have gone through this, I am not alone. I can survive because I already did the ground work. Back in April when I suspected the layoffs were not yet done I did some preemptive planning and got my shit together. Now that the axe has fallen I am in a good financial place. I am also fortunate in that I have many great people surrounding me offering their services for job searches, resume writing, networking and most importantly their love. With their support I cannot fall, my feet will never touch the ground. Even in this dark hour I am truly blessed.
