Friday, March 13, 2009

To thine own self be true


Here I go again traversing the hills of the newly reformed couch potatoes: I joined a gym. Normally this is an after Christmas tradition for many, but I valiantly pushed it out until March. The decision was actually quite selfish for I wanted to wait for the huddled masses of New Year Eve’ resolution wannabes to stop blocking my access to the elliptical trainer and go away. “But I’m going to do it this time!” No you are not, please step aside and let me work.
It’s been 5 years since I was last in my work-out mode and to the unfamiliar I may appear to be one of the aforementioned masses, but I assure you I am not. I have motivation, I have a goal, and I have a plan. No it is not just an idealistic goal of becoming healthier. Pfft, where is the fun in that? That won’t get my ass on the trainer. Just try bragging about your heart rate to someone at a cocktail party and watch them chew off their own arm just to break free. I have something much better- I have plastic surgery waiting for me. Ha, ha! Didn’t see that one coming did ya? That’s right I’m toiling my evenings in the gym for surgery. See I’m quite comfortable with my body in its current form. Skinnier I would look even better, but that’s not my incentive and that won’t keep me going. Nope, I do this because I want a face lift when I’m 45. The way I see it if you begin early enough then the difference won’t be so dramatic that everyone, (and I mean everyone), is talking about your face. I want subtle and the way to get that is to start early. Recently I've noticed the beginnings of drooping cheeks, jowls if you will, which run in my family on the women's side. Well for the men too but who cares about them. I don't want to have these flapping in the wind at age 60, I want those lifted and tucked away from the public eye. However before I can do this I first must lose the extra weight. If I got the lift first then anything I lose later would give me the look of being caught in a NASA wind tunnel. Joan Rivers I am not. Please. Anyway I really am comfortable with this decision and don’t see the big deal about it. Kids get braces to fix jacked up rodentia teeth and braces are a medical treatment that rarely has anything to do with necessity and a lot to do with vanity so I don’t see how a face-lift is different. People are judged on their appearance and for me keeping my cheeks off of my clavicle is what I choose. Either that or duct tape, but I’m thinking the silver would clash with my gold jewelry and that just won’t do. I hear the outcry, “But anesthesia is dangerous you might die.” Yes, I might and I might also die in a car crash, a plane crash, choking on a double chocolate cake or at a 70% off sale at Macy’s but you don’t see me fighting my way to the exit for safety. No way (bitch, give me those pants) life is dangerous and if not lived to the point of enjoyment why even bother. A quote from Shawshank Redemption and one I particularly love is: “Get busy living or get busy dying.” and I plan to do the former and forget about the latter. I don’t have time for death, haven’t you seen my calendar? Now if you’ll excuse me I have a treadmill to conquer. Vive la résistance à la pesanteur!

Friday, March 6, 2009

What if I stamp my feet?


Am I the last one hanging on to a past that has left me behind? I live in the same town where I was born which I find is not too common. A good friend, one of my crew from way back, called to tell me she may be moving to Dallas soon and my heart is breaking. She will be the 2nd one in my clique to move away for opportunities our hometown could not provide.

Right now I am able to visit Connie about 4 – 5 times a year, but with Rachel moving to Dallas it won’t be possible to travel to both places as much so how do I choose? Which one do I sacrifice? I feel like a little girl lost and alone in a busy mall. Bustling shoppers whipping by with their bags and I stand apart from it all. She says "it may not happen let’s wait and see" but those are the same words said prior to Connie’s move. Once spoken, in my heart, I know it to be true: she will leave me. I don’t want to say good-bye, I don’t want to grow up and face the truth that not all lives are spent together. I want my friends to stay by my side and grow old with me. I want to continue to laugh at our lives past and present. I want it all to stay the same, I want, I want, I want! But it doesn't does it? Life is never still. People move and I remain.