It's not me, it's you.

I realized recently that losing a job is akin to breaking up from a long term romance. Whether married or just in a relationship you know when the boat is sinking before you ever see the water. You don’t want to admit it; you stay in denial until you are approached with the “we need to talk”. Shock and hopefully some dignity remains as you sign the divorce paperwork. If you are lucky you are handed a check to help ease the pain. Not quite alimony, but the corporations always do seem to have a rock solid pre-nup in place just for the occasion. There is no separation of albums or dishes, you are just asked to take your stuff and leave.

As the news spreads about your recent split the calls of sympathy and empathy begin to arrive. Some come with invitations to dinner, but most are just comforting words of, “well, it’s their loss. They are idiots and they won’t find anyone as good as you.” These words help dilute the shock right into anger. You cannot believe they would let you go, how could they? You secretly hope they are miserable without you and are woefully wringing their hands in regret. Dinners and lunches with ex-coworkers come with plenty of gossip of how things have fallen apart and you lick up every word with great delight. Instead of driving by their house, just to see if they are home, you get online and cyber-stalk them for any bad news. Overall, it’s not pretty, but you do have a good chance of not drunk dialing them at 2:00am after a 1/5 of Jack and a quart of Haagen Daz.

Slowly the realization of having to join the dating scene again comes into your mind. “But, but it’s been so long, I don’t know how!” is the first terrifying thought. You begin by asking your friends if they know anyone and if they could set you up. The want-ads become your singles bar and you may even hire a matchmaker. Just don’t expect your recruiter to dance on the roof with a fiddle and you’ll be fine. Mix, mingle and join a singles club, like Linked-In. Try to be appealing when selling yourself without looking desperate. Remember, companies want the best and the brightest, not a weathered old-whore.

But desperate you are and you’ll jump at the first job thrown your way. It’s not the best, but it is what you know and you think it can work out. Hey, it’s a job, right? Don’t worry, it won’t last: it’s a rebound relationship. It’ll go on for about 5 months until you realize your happiness is worth more than a 60 minute commute. Maybe you won’t quit right away, but since you are getting paid your desperation is not so apparent and that next magical job does come along. You bid farewell to the rebound and begin a new relationship. One you can’t help but compare with that “other” company. We used to do it this way, our food was better, our system was easier, etc. This can’t be avoided, but as you become comfortable you’ll soon notice you don’t think about the ex all that much anymore. You are not scanning the daily headlines for bad news nor are you asking your friends for updates. The ex no longer matters because one day you’ll suddenly realize you are in love all over again.