Being diabetic I’ve gotten used to the possible health issues that normally accompany this disease: blindness, heart disease, kidney failure, amputations, and nerve damage. However there is a whole other list of annoying, but not so devastating, maladies available for my choosing and they are not as widely advertised as their more popular brethren. While I don’t distinctly remember putting any of these on my Christmas list I seem to have the pleasure of experiencing some of them first hand. Then again, in my life there is a tendency to have the most uncommon and unexpected things happen. It’s the ultimate M. Night movie, My Life with a Twist!
First on the highlight list began years ago when I noticed a small white spot appear on the back of my hand. It was soon joined by another and another and then another. As the color on my hands slowly evaporated my face decided it was missing out on all the fun and joined in by giving me a permanent “I-wore–sunglasses-while-skiing” look. It is Vitiligo or as many people like to call it, the Michael Jackson disease. The cells creating the pigment are thought to be damaged by the immune system and they stop producing any color. It can eventually cover the whole body or just stop progressing after a few short years. Much like my hands which are now 100% white giving the appearance I’m wearing gloves. (When that comes back into fashion I’m going to be the first in line at the glove store.) The condition is chronic and there are no known cures only temporary color corrections. Lacking any better options I play paint by numbers on my face every night by applying bleach on the darker areas and tanning lotion to the lighter areas. While it is not perfect at least I don’t have people asking what’s wrong with my face. On the bright side it’s not dangerous it just means I can’t play out in the sun too long, but seeing as I’m Irish that’s probably in my best interest.
Next on the list is gastroparisis: a condition which paralyzes the stomach so it does not like to empty and make room for more food. This too is a chronic condition with no known cure and will progressively get worse as I grow older. I suppose you can chalk this one under nerve damage since it is the Vagus nerve which controls this emptying process, but the docs never talked about this possibility. They are constantly warning of lower extremity nerves and never once did they say, “oh yeah, at some point you’ll be throwing up every day like a supermodel.” If I’m going to have a close and personal relationship with my toilet I at least want the benefit of the six figure salary and dynamic body, instead I have the shape of a Weeble. There you go Alanis, there’s your irony. The simple joy of the Reno buffet is a sad memory as is the salad bar with its indigestible raw vegetables. One broccoli crown stuck in the stomach can be an all expense paid trip to the operating room once it’s turned into a bezoar. (If you’re eating right now you may not want to look that one up just yet.) One good thing is I am saving a ton of money since I now order my meals off the appetizer menu and skip the drink since I can’t fit both at the same time. Either that or just skip the food altogether and drink my lunch like a good business man from the sixties.
The latest adventure is something fairly recent. It started off as one little pink bump on my leg. I thought nothing of it since it looked like a bug bite. Two weeks pass and another one shows up right beside it. Another month passes and I have five appear on my abdomen, then another five, then six more in the following month. Three months later and I resemble an incomplete dot to dot picture. Being a good patient I consider going to the doctor then never make the appointment. They are just dots, right? I mean they barely itch. Well not really. It’s more like hell yes they itch, but what’s a little calamine between friends? I search the internet for answers and find more than I ever needed to know. Now for me it’s not dramatic enough to just have an allergy to a laundry detergent or a new food I have to tell myself I have a colony of bugs setting up residence right under my skin and they’ll soon establish their own government. Even this doesn't get me to the doctor's, I wait for five months to pass until I finally drag myself to a dermatologist where she biopsies one of the bumps. She doesn’t offer much comfort when she says there could be multiple reasons for the rash and doesn’t want to mention any of them until the results are back. I am now certain they are bugs and she’s too skeeved out to tell me. That’s it, I’m going to have to join the circus and become The Bug-Girl, See the girl and her trained skin-bugs as they play “Yankee Doodle Dandy” on her arm hair. Ten days later and my results are in: I have Lichen Planus. Lichen Planus is when the immune system mounts an attack against the cells of the skin resulting in irritating bumps. There is no known cause for the immune system malfunction, but since Diabetes itself is the result of an over eager immune system I am not surprised. It’s not dangerous and of course it is a chronic condition with no known cure. There is a treatment which diminishes the bumps however it does not mean they are gone forever. Great, just great, at any moment I can become a six year old sent home with a mild case of the chicken pox. Well at least my white spots now have some color.
My endocrinologist called the other day with the results from my latest lab work. I listened to the message as I pulled my daily vitamins from the cupboard. I know what she'd say-good results, stay on the Lipitor. True to form she did, but this time she said my calcium was a little low and I may want to consider supplements. I looked at the calcium supplements resting in my hand, (which I began taking earlier this year), “Sure doc, I’ll get right on that.”
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